It's been 260 days since I've posted anything on this blog. That converts to :

• 22,464,000 seconds
• 374,400 minutes
• 6240 hours
• 37 weeks (rounded down) 

So what has happened in those 260 days? 

It's been a while...

Since I could say I love myself.

When I was 19 (which was only 7 years ago), I believed I knew who I was...

Maybe I did know who that person was at that point in my life, but life is 

all about changes, and nowadays, I'm not sure who the hell I am. 

One day at a time. 

I guess...

^I LOVE this picture ^

I'm tired of not liking what I see in the mirror. I, myself am the only one who can change that.

Envy is a waste of time...I'm tired of wasting time.

Here's the thing. As far as I can remember, I've always been insecure. Granted I've experienced different levels of insecurity at different points in my life.

Wikipedia states a person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, lacks trust in themselves or others, and I honestly couldn't of said it any better. I agree 100%.

I personally lack in the confidence area and sometimes believe that I'm not good enough, or ever will be. Like I've stated in previous blogs, I tend to over think, and when I'm sad, I tend to think negative thoughts.

But I'm trying. Day by day. I try not to bring up anything from the past, but sometimes its hard not to. I'm honestly making progress. Since quitting my fast food restaurant job, I haven't been happier. I'm smiling more, and thinking more positive things, instead of those negative worms that would crawl through my mind and get lost and linger around in there.

This blog is my form of therapy. I'm not trying to dwell on the past, I'm trying to learn from it. Finally. 

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. " -Buddha

Out With The Old, In With The New...

I'm not sure who will read my blog, if anyone ever does...But that's not going to stop me from writing. To me, this is like a journal, but I can add pictures when I want, and honestly it's easier to release your thoughts faster on a keyboard instead of a pen. Either way, I've gone both ways... no pun intended. :)

What made me start this blog you may ask?

I've worked at a fast food restaurant for the past 2 years, and it literally was sucking away my soul. I wasn't happy like I used to be, and I was way more over tight than I had ever been in my life. There were days I hated going to work, more than the day before, sometimes I would actually cry before going. One could blame it on my irregular hormones, but honestly I wasn't happy. I just wasn't.

I can't understand why anyone would WANT to work at a fast food restaurant. You're not serving people good food, you're serving them fast fatty deep fried, 2 hour old food. This is all my opinion, before I forget to mention that. I don't want to offend people who do enjoy working at a fast food restaurant, but honestly? You're not really making a good contribution to this messed up world. You're just helping make it worse. I felt like a drug dealer, and people are addicted to fast fatty foods and extra large pops with salty greasy fries. I hated asking if they wanted two deep fried apple pies to go along with that Big triple sandwich and over large fries and pop they already had ordered. I felt like I was encouraging people to eat unhealthy, to make bad choices, to not care about their health. It made me feel like a bad human being just to work at a fast food restaurant. Yet again, these are my personal opinions, and how I personally felt working at a fast food restaurant.

I recently got a new job, and I love it!! So much it got two exclamation marks in the previous sentence.I work in a group home setting, where I assist individuals with developmental disabilities with their daily lives. I've only worked there for a little close to two months, but I love it so much! I feel like I'm making a difference in the world, even if its a local difference, it's still a positive change.

This is the first time in my life that I've felt proud of what I'm doing. I personally have a history of low self esteem, over thinking which leads to bad thoughts. I all so have experienced insecurity issues, abandonment issues, and all so a short history of self injury. Something that I'm not proud of and something I'll go into greater detail in a later blog...

It feels great to see a smile on someones face, knowing that you're the reason behind it.

I believe in pay it forward.

pay it forward: when someone does a good dead for you, instead of paying them back, pay it forward by doing a good deed for someone else.

So what are you waiting for?

Go out there and pay it forward.

You don't necessarily have to run to your local coffee shop on the corner and pay for a total stranger's double-tall ginger snap latte.

There's many ways to pay it forward...

Tip your restaurant server generously.
 

Hold open the door for someone.

Compliment a stranger walking down the street.

Put a quarter in someone else's meter that's about to expire.

Smile at someone who's sad.

Burn a cd of your favorite songs, and give it to a random stranger.

Leave your favorite book somewhere for someone to find to enjoy.

Teach a child something you wish you knew at that age.

Let someone cut infront of you at the grocery store, or at a restaurant.

Help a pregnant lady.

Help the elderly.

Give a homecooked meal to a homeless person.

Or even an old winter coat of your's that's just laying around.

So many ways to make a difference in someone else's life.

It's up to you to decide how.

One day at a time...

For one to be truly happy in life, first you must define what happiness means to you. What makes you smile? What gives you butterflies? What excites you? What makes you feel accomplished? These are only a few questions out of the million and one questions you could ask yourself.

Maybe with this little insight, the world could be a happier place...? Who knows, its worth a try, right??

Baby steps...

There are many ways to define happy. One definition dictionary is: 

1. Joy, a state of well-being or contentment, a pleasurable or happy experience.

I personally know that my family, friends, music, and movies make me happy. After that, its all the little things that matter.

When it comes down to it, its the smallest things that add up to make the big picture right?

I would suggest writing either in a journal or on post-it notes things that make you happy. A journal is private, and for your eyes only. If you chose to use Post-It notes, you could leave them around your house insight, so you would have positive reinforcement anywhere you look on those rainy-gloomy-I-hate-life- kind of days. :)

                      Here's the start to my "Things that make me happy list"

.My family.
.My girlfriend and our pets.
.My friends.
.Music.
.My favorite movies.
.Rain.
.The smell of fresh cut grass.
.Seeing my nephew smile/laugh=priceless.
.Babies in general.
.Camping.
.Cooking out.
.A cold beer after a bad day.
.Having the day off after drinking the night away.
.Christmas lights.
.The first snowfall of the season.
.Lavender.
.A hot bubble bath.
.Relaxing.
.Snow globes.
.Fireworks.
.Sunsets ans sunrises.
.I don't drink coffee, but I love the smell of coffee lingering around the house=reminds me of my girlfriend.
.Your pillowcase when you're away.
.Polar pops.
.The Sunday paper (mostly the ads/cartoons).
.Writing.
.Discovering new songs before my friends do.
.Blasting music, with the windows down in the summer.

Now is better than never... right??

                          I guess I've always been a procrastinator...


                                                     lost in denial...



“I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!” – Sam Levenson



                        We've all heard "the early bird gets the worm"...

                                                    But does it...?


Imagine that the bird suffers from a social anxiety disorder, or perhaps a case of low self esteem... Maybe the bird isn't in a rush to get the worm?

                                                   Then what...?

            What advice do we have to offer this lingering lost bird?

Just give up, stay in bed, there's no point, you'll never be good enough...

                           It's never too late to turn your life around...   

 Maybe after all, that insecure,hopeless bird still has a fighting chance to catch that worm?

                                          Keyword=Fighting chance.
                           *A chance to win but only with a struggle*


                         "Nothing in life that's worth having comes easily."

As the bird contemplates whether or not it was a smart idea to free fall from the sky, the world goes on, other birds are on the look out for the perfect worm.

                                    Did the bird make the right choice?

                     He soon realizes the easy way out is just that...easy.

What kind of bird would he be if he just gave up, if he just listened to those voices "you'll never be good enough", "whats the point of even trying", and the other soul breaking words that sneak their way into his mind.

Next the bird did the smartest thing he could possibly ever do...He put his hands out and reached for the parachute. The one thing that would help him return to the world. As the parachute was released, a heavy weight was lifted off of his shoulders, literally.

                                             He felt free again.

You might be thinking, "this is silly, birds have wings, they don't need parachutes," this is true, very true. But figuratively speaking, this bird's wings were tied, they were weighing him down. And up till the very moment where the bird realized what was really below his feet he wasn't really living. Each and everyone of us have a moment in our lives when we feel exactly like the bird did, it would be easier just to give up, whats the point right? But every now and then we just need a friendly shove with a parachute to help us land on our feet and to be reminded that the worm is worth fighting for.


                                   "The juice is worth the squeeze"

               This is the beginning towards releasing my own parachute...


                
                                                      Stay tuned... :)